HOW TO POTTY TRAIN WITHOUT XANAX

Most men are potty trained by 30 right?

This is what my best friend told me in an effort to make me laugh instead of cry while I was about to hide in my bedroom amongst the rage I felt on day 8 of potty training my twin boys.

It helped. 

Messages between besties. I like it.

Potty training is tricky. It’s shitty. And I’m kind of over it.

I don't take Xanax. But if I'm being real, it would've been nice. 

However, here’s a very precise breakdown to our potty training victory. What works, what doesn’t. And why patience is the single most important tool in potty training. Oh, and vodka.


WHO AM I NOW?

It’s 1 am and I’m crying in my king size bed. The husband is snoring next to me. And I can’t sleep. I’m going through iPhotos. Sob. Sob. Sob. 

I’m a bit overwhelmed. Or maybe a lot. 

I feel like I can’t get a hold of this pit in my stomach. What is it? My mind is racing, I have too much for my brain to process. And for what?

Why am I so panicked all of a sudden? I hear someone cough upstairs and I immediately think out loud something horrible is about to happen. 

Stop. 

This is a mother’s life.