Most men are potty trained by 30 right?

This is what my best friend told me in an effort to make me laugh instead of cry while I was about to hide in my bedroom amongst the rage I felt on day 8 of potty training my twin boys.

It helped. 

Messages between besties. I like it.

Potty training is tricky. It’s shitty. And I’m kind of over it.

I don't take Xanax. But if I'm being real, it would've been nice. 

However, here’s a very precise breakdown to our potty training victory. What works, what doesn’t. And why patience is the single most important tool in potty training. Oh, and vodka.


It’s 1 am and I’m crying in my king size bed. The husband is snoring next to me. And I can’t sleep. I’m going through iPhotos. Sob. Sob. Sob. 

I’m a bit overwhelmed. Or maybe a lot. 

I feel like I can’t get a hold of this pit in my stomach. What is it? My mind is racing, I have too much for my brain to process. And for what?

Why am I so panicked all of a sudden? I hear someone cough upstairs and I immediately think out loud something horrible is about to happen. 


This is a mother’s life.