WHY WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART
I was 31 when I married my husband. I pictured my life married with kids when I was 24. Well that fiancé never worked out. Neither did the next one. I have both wedding gowns to prove it. For sale by the way!
Actually, it’s not funny. Well, funny now, but not then. But laughter gets you through life and if you don’t have that, then you’re screwed. I didn’t plan on being the runaway bride, I just wasn’t ready. And neither relationship worked. Not even close. And every time it all fell apart, I was in the fetal position on my living room floor flooding the apartment with tears of pain, disappointment and insecurity. Will I ever get this right?
I think dating is for the birds. Some of it is ok, some of it is fun, but truthfully, none of it was this perfect time like you saw in the movies where the guy gets the girl and the date night is spectacular with a perfect kiss to seal the deal and love happily ever.
I distinctly remember meeting a guy in Home Depot while I was renovating my first house in Los Angeles, and he picked me up in the tile section while we both were looking for white subway tile and grout. It was kinda cute. And he was attractive and charming. And I was ready to date so why not? After he fed me a few pick up lines and smiles exchanged as well as opinions on shower tile, I gave in and gave him my number and we went out a week later.
That date night was the worst date night in history. He was an actor, and not a good one and by the end of the dramatic, "no I’m not going to kiss you", he turned into a freak of nature and started acting a bit psycho. I nicely said thanks for dinner, take care and I got in my car and sped off like Dario Franchetti.
I kinda thought I might have died that night. Death by a psycho cute actor I met in Home Depot.
I didn’t and it was fine, but not all dating ends that way. But I hated dating after that and stopped going to the Hollywood Home Depot.
As Charlotte in Sex in the City said “I’ve been dating since I was 15, I’m exhausted where is he?”
I couldn’t have agreed with Charlotte more. I was exhausted and un-hopeful.
But why is the waiting the hardest part? Because it’s exhausting. Because it’s infuriating. Because you want love and you want it now. But nothing that’s beautiful and imperfect and inconvenient like real love is, is ever attained without hard work. And patience. And it sucks. And that is the hard part.
I dated many more after the Home Depot guy. Many. My sister kept telling me, if you don’t open your heart and see, you’ll never know. And months would go by and the love part still wasn’t right. And when I broke up with the 2nd fiancé after that turned into a disaster, I literally felt like giving up on the whole love phenomenon. Literally I had traveled the globe and lived on two different continents searching for love, experiencing love, fighting for love and it still wasn’t working. One day while living in the South of Italy with my ex, I was standing in the Mediterranean Sea staring at the tip of Italy on a glorious European summer day watching all the Italians frolicking in the water with their loves and their children and it dawned on me. This isn’t right. This isn’t my love. And as much as I wanted it to be, in the most beautiful place on the earth, with a decent man who I loved and his amazing Italian Scottish family, this wasn’t it. And I was done.
Today I live back in America. Tennessee to be exact. And after making my way here 10 years ago and not knowing a single soul in Nashville, I followed my heart and my wanderlust anyway and figured I’d give it a chance.
Who would’ve thought I’d end up in the South, married to a Southern boy, and be a mother of 4 and a writer?
Well, I have no idea how it all worked out. And by no means is it perfect. But it feels right. And I stayed patient. And one day it felt really good in my heart. When love struck this time, it wasn’t doubtful or strangely mysterious, it just made sense. Felt like love should feel. Honest, warm and right. Waiting for love was never part of my plan. Nor was having a family 2000 miles away from my family in California. But God put patience in my heart and told me when I would know it was right, I would go all in. And I did. And he was 100% correct. And I’ve never looked back.
******Also, as I said I would, I've linked my interview/podcast here on my friend Caroline Hobby's podcast. It's the real me, on Audio, UNFILTERED. Check it out and subscribe to her podcast on Itunes. See below! xx Maile
Itunes: Hyper Caroline Hobby