MARRIAGE + TWINS, NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART
Marriage is not for the faint of heart. Twins are definitely not either. Marriage + twins. It can be a shit show. It's not anyone's fault, it's just a shit show. Like really hard. Like you better have a strong foundation upon why you got married, because marriage and twins will test you. It will shake you, leaving you dizzy and confused for days. For weeks, for a whole first year of infancy with twins.
I got married with every intention of the common goal, to have someone to love unconditionally and be loved back the same. To have children, create a life with someone and see the world together, forever. I also was hoping to emulate some sort of the same marriage my parents have because, they are goals, but let's face it, despite even their perfection, their marriage isn't perfect. Pretty damn close, but not perfect. Nor is ours. Nor is any marriage.
The first year we got married was pretty rad. Pretty sexy, ya know, like honeymoon stuff. The second and 3rd year too. Then we had our daughter and despite normal baby stuff, our marriage remained pretty darn good. Then we had twins.
But back up. Getting the twins was the hard part. It was pretty hard on the marriage. Like really hard. Do we have more kids and add to the already crazy life? Can we? Is it in the cards? Will our marriage survive if we do? Will our marriage survive if we don't. Let's just say for 2 years, it was a struggle. It was hard. A lot of tears, a lot of questions, a lot of prayer. It was tough on our marriage. Super tough. I remember my husband saying to me (2 years ago-before we got pregnant) on the beach where we got married after a very difficult 2 years (in his emotional choked up voice) "I know it's been hard babe, but we are going to be ok. I promise you. I love you. Forever."
I was pregnant just a few months later. With twins.
I was so happy, we were so happy. But scared. to. death. Marriage and children are already tough. Add twins. Shit show. Like really.
I'm not sure how it all happened. I'm not sure how we managed to survive it all. But we did. But here's the thing: we both had a lot of faith. And alot of love. For each other, and for these tiny beautiful miracle identical twin boys.
Every time we both had to get up in the middle of the night and despite each of us holding a baby and the babies were fed and they still wouldn't stop crying, we survived. Every time my husband walked in the house after being gone on the road for 4 days and I fell on the floor a puddle of tears not knowing if I was happy to see him or angry at him for being gone or just shit tired, we survived. And every time I looked in the mirror and saw my body a week or a month or several months after delivery and cried and cried and never thought I'd survive another day of soreness, exhaustion, or life, I survived. We all survived.
Today we are good. The kids are alright and mom and daddy are still sexy and still married.
The tidal wave of parenthood + marriage and all its highs and lows becomes the norm of life when you are a parent. It just is. It' a juggling act that the both of you have to commit to and you will, because you just will. And the benefits will far outweigh the heartache and challenges. I promise you. The biggest lesson we have both learned, especially as twin parents and the complete chaos it is the first year is this: stay positive, hire help when you can and get out and soak it all in, together. It has been chaotic, crazy, sometimes just ridiculously impossible, wonderful, funny, straight up laughable, amazing and incredibly beautiful. Marriage is not for the faint of heart, nor are twins or a family, period. But you will survive. We did. We made it a year. With twins. And a 4 year old. And a 13 yr old. And we're alive. And still married.
And we're also ready for a vacation, sans kids. Like stat.