BELIEVE ME, YOU ARE HEROES
It's rare to see me with all 3. It looks so sweet and calm. But actually, on this day I had 2 babies attached to me that wouldn't leave my side, my daughter wanted to be near me too (even at a birthday party), I had no husband all weekend, no sitter avail, and family nowhere to be found, because, well, we live in Nashville.
But we made the birthday party circuit round because that's what you do and to be honest we needed to get out. But it was hard. You know that. Even if you don't have children, you just know.
Raising children is hard work. It requires the patience of a saint. Well, sort of. This weekend was no different than the last several weekends. My husband has been out of town a lot for work and as much as I am thankful he is busy in this "roulette wheel of a music business" as my friend quoted the other day, it's pretty hard raising kids when you're on your own.
My good friend reminded me of this the other day. The music business looks fancy. And it is and can be. It can blow your mind creatively. And personally. It's awesome. But it's also the kind of business that can swallow you up and ask more of you than you'd like to give. I remember when I was an artist and living on a bus or flying somewhere and my mom would always say to me (later) you didn't love it out there. You always craved home. And I did. Don't get me wrong, the lights, the stage, the trains and planes, the rush, the music, it was epic at moments, and yet lonely at others. And I'm grateful for that time. I have the utmost respect for artists that spend the majority of time on the road. It's a job. And a huge sacrifice. And tough. Not for the meek.
But when you are married to an artist or producer/songwriter, and they are required to be gone more than you'd like, it can be a big challenge. One of my good friend's husband received an award the other night and said something in his speech like "thanks to my wife for creating a world for me in which I have the honor to be creative." My other good friend (mentioned above) posted it and basically summarized how honorable and admirable it is to be "the woman" who helps create this world for her husband by showing up everyday, raising the children, folding the laundry, having twins, bouncing back to body, having the suit tailored come awards night, keeping the fire burning, creating a beautiful home. And it hit me hard. Mostly because I'm grateful for friends who constantly remind me that we are warriors and capable of anything. But that we really are warriors. And awesome. Awesome, loving, strong women. Thanks for that reminder Nic.
For a while it's been that struggle of am I doing enough? Am I creating a world that I should be proud of, not only for my family, but for me? This post had me so emotional. Because us mothers out there that are doing all of the above are Heroes. We may not get all the credit or any, but believe me, we are heroes.
I posted on fb a while back about wanting to go back to work full time and create music again on the daily, (not just occasionally or night time with my melodies and my guitar) and a friend (music business executive) posted back, "Maile, you are working full time." I cried. Again. I do that a lot obv. But what we don't see everyday is all that we do.
We are consumed by the children, the household, the babysitter schedules, the school calendar, the birthday parties, the gift wrapping, the bill paying, the estate management, the toy buying, the baby proofing, the dinner making, the tear wiping, the poop changing, the band aid nursing, the breast pumping, the landscaping, the trip scheduling, the Mother's Day card buying, the vacuuming, the picking out clothes doing, the cartwheel teaching, the sunscreen applying, the reading teaching, the Dr. appt going, the throw up cleaning, the potty training, the 5 am baby rocking, the diaper buying, the drop off driving, the lover making, that we simply forget because we are tired and we don't remember.
When I read it back, I'm exhausted. We may be supporting their dreams and helping the husbands fly, but we are making the dream for the whole family. And that is my dream come true. It doesn't feel like it all the time or in moments when you just are so frustrated that you wanna check out and take off to Italy, but it is in fact a dream.
And maybe your husband isn't in the music business. Maybe he has to fly to China on business or anywhere for that matter and you're home with a newborn and that seems frightening. Or maybe he's a firefighter and is gone for days or weeks at at time and you are in charge of everything. Or maybe you don't have a husband anymore and the daily drill is all day everyday. It seems impossible. But it doesn't matter which scenario is yours, it's work. And you'll do it forever and ever all day every day, because it's your family. Because you love your family. And I salute you. All of you.
Thankful for my friend for this reminder. And thankful I'm wise enough to finally understand that the job I have is immensely important to not only my husband and children, but to the world. Congrats mothers, all of you. I salute you. You are my heroes.