California born, Nashville living, lots of babies, lots of lifestyle. Hang around and let's be friends!



|  black sweater  ||  denim cutoffs  |  booties (similar)  | image: sydney clawson | 

| black sweater || denim cutoffs | booties (similar) | image: sydney clawson | 

A therapist once said to me, “Think of yourself as a checking account. If you put deposits in there daily, you become full and strong and can handle all the rainy days that come along. If you only withdraw and you forget to make deposits, you wind up empty and weak and that’s a dangerous feeling.”

Never really thought of it that way, but woah. Mic drop. And it’s time we think of it this way. Because if I’m broke inside this little machine called me, then I’m broken. And broken sucks. Mama's you feel me?

Here’s the thing. None of us end up broke on purpose. Who on earth would do that to themselves? Nobody tries to do this. But more often than not, sometimes we slip. We give and give and give which in all honesty is very redeeming, but not to the point of running into the red. The red zone is dangerous and we simply cannot survive in the red. And here's why.


You’ve been there. It’s 8 pm on a Sunday and you haven’t had a shower yet. The kids have been sick all week, you missed church, your husband is out of town and you’re finally getting the house picked up only to have it destroyed in the morning all over again. You barely ate off your kiddos plate, and lucky if you got 5 tater tots in all. You’re fragile, exhausted and a little mad. You keep picking up the house until you just pass out on the couch and surrender. You pick up the remote and you click on something, anything riveting or not, it’s a yes and you relax. End scene.

Or it looks something like this. You work 6 days out of 7 and you say yes to every social event on the calendar. Your boss needs you to ace this month so you work 6 days but it feels like 9. You barely get a full meal each and every day and the bags under your eyes are similar to the moon. Dark and grainy. Sunday feels like a victory dance and so instead of treating yourself to a massage or a pedicure and glass of wine, you’re too tired to move, so you binge on mac and cheese and watch sex and the city reruns and get no sleep only to meet Monday in 5 hours. End scene.

I’m pretty sure the Atm is empty. And I’m pretty sure you can feel it too. It’s not a nice feeling. It’s kind of uncomfortable. Like you know it’s empty and you know you have to fill it, but you’d rather stay right where you are and keep swiping it from the comfort of your living room plush sofa. But eventually the swipe fails you, or you run out. Time to re-evaluate.

The deposit slip

I don’t know if it's just me that has issues with money, but I’m pretty sure a lot of people do. But if I take money out of the equation, why is it still seemingly impossible to deposit wealth into our system? Does it feel unnatural to give ourselves a boost? Is it the thing to keep giving everyone else the attention and love they deserve but feels selfish to write down on a deposit slip "To: self, depositing infinite amounts of love and adoration", dated October 25, 2017? I don’t know who decided that loving ourselves was selfish but I’m here to tell you that is a farce. I don’t buy it. In fact, I’m kicking all my money issues aside and calling it like it is. I fucking love myself and I deserve the world. There, I said it.

The Price

There’s no limit on love. Call it what you want, but I say, all bets are off. Feeding yourself the love it deserves is far more beneficial than sucking the life out of you and leaving nothing left to grasp. Believe me I know. I think women have a tough time acknowledging that sometimes we are guilty of putting ourselves second. And second place is not the richest. First place is. And again, screw money, think of it in terms of self. If you deposited endless amounts of love in non dollar form into your checking account, how rich would you be? What would that look like? When I see it, it’s nothing but green trees. Dollar signs. And pina coladas. And I”m immediately calmed. And that blows my mind.


The only way to move into richer territory is to break down barriers. Remove obstacles. Hyper focus on goals. Meaning you. Yeah you. It’s ok to love you. I’m giving you permission. Screw everyone else. And by screw everyone else, you know I mean well. I mean, take the liberty to re-structure your life. Your checking account is flailing and we need strategize how to catapult every opportunity to great heights. That means priorities. It means saying no, even when you want to say yes. It means not asking for permission. It means controlling your calendar to work for you. It means self care and health direction. It means you. Fill up your life with what makes you happy and rid the rest.

Just reading it back is exhausting. Yet somehow we (many of us) are guilty of depleting our happy. We are sidetracked by fear and guilt and the illusive term of selfishness. And it's a shame. But, here's the deal. Just like an official bank runs and operates off of a very simple business plan, so do we. And even if our personal checking account is near death, we still can save it. If we take the time to recognize that we may be getting into the danger zone, then acknowledging is step one. And deciding to start making deposits again on a steady basis is step 2. And once you are floating through the green again, I'm pretty sure this is where real growth happens. Real truth. Real happy. And although I fluctuate from green to low green and am guilty of being in the red zone far too often, I'm stubborn enough now to realize, green is more my style. And happy is so much less work.