MOTHER IS A VERB
I just walked out of my twins bedroom a few seconds ago. And I got on my knees and I wept. I melted into the floor, then gently picked myself up and threw my hands in the air and said. “Thank you God. Thank you for my babies. For all of them. For this. For this motherhood moment. I don't know how I deserve this. But I thank you and I pray I’m making you proud.”
I'm overwhelmed today. Like most days. Most likely, you're a mother and you're overwhelmed too. Because that's motherhood. And most of the time you brush off that overwhelming feeling and you carry on. Because that's what you do. What you always do. Because that's how it's always done.
People often say to me “I don’t know how you do it.” And as much as I appreciate the compliment? I can’t help but think, I don’t know how I do it either. 3 kids is a lot. But I’m not sure any of us mothers know how we do it. I don’t think we think of it, we just do. And when I think of this, I think of my mother. How she raised 4 humans under that roof while Dad worked from dusk till 10 pm most nights. I still don’t know. Sometimes I ask her how she did it and she always has the same answer. “You just do. And you never stop. Because that’s what a mother is.”
Mother is a Verb.
She’s also a human. You. Me. Your Mom. My Mom. But it’s what she does that makes her the mother. Because a mother is.
Perhaps that's why I titled my blog this. Perhaps it's because one day I was eating my lunch standing while simultaneously feeding my young baby girl and it dawned on me who we mothers are, and how we do life. It's action for action, moment by moment and it doesn't stand still. A mother is all encompassing. She never stops. On the go, from pregnancy, to eternity. Because even death can’t stop her. And today on mother's day, I think of all the moments my mother had, what she did for me, for all 4 of us and what I learned from her, to do for my own. And today I celebrate us and them, because whenever you have a splash of doubt in which you feel you're not making your mark in this world, look around your socials today and read what mother's are saying about their mothers and all they do. Because mother is a verb. And she's impacting the world minute by minute. Read on below if you don't believe me.
A mother is wearing her heart on the outside of her chest because she can’t tell if she wants to laugh or cry at the thought of no sleep for weeks because breastfeeding twins takes the life out of you. It’s will to keep on keeping on even when chills run up and down her spine and the sucking of the milk is making her feel nauseous, but she finishes her feedings because a mother doesn’t stop in the middle of the job.
A mother is standing over the crib asleep at 2 am rubbing the back of a baby because it won’t stop crying at the pain of teeth pushing through his sensitive gums. It’s falling asleep at your feet and banging your head against the crib rail only to wake up the baby that just fell asleep from the touch of your hand.
A mother is agonizing over the guilt she feels for making chicken nuggets instead of fish and vegetables, for not being "room" mom, not attending every school function and being less than average at baking cupcakes. It’s agonizing over leaving town for 4 days while the children stay home with a sitter. It’s the woman sitting with her laptop on the airplane drinking a glass of cheap white wine while trying desperately to hide her tears for walking out the door with two screaming toddlers attached to her legs.
A mother is on her knees outside her baby’s door thanking God for giving her the children she prayed for. It’s the woman who cries tears of joy, but tears of guilt that her children are healthy and thriving and have diapers and food, a home and parents who love them fiercely. She’s the woman who feels another mother’s pain for her sick child and whose body stands still and frozen at the thought of her child suddenly becoming terminally ill. She's the woman who can't even picture a world without her children in it and the thought is too painful to bear.
A mother is up at dawn picking up toys, writing out schedules, throwing in the laundry, making lunches, driving the kids to school, playing trains with toddlers with cold coffee in her hands, feeding lunch to her baby, eating a sandwich while standing up, writing a card to her mother in law, putting the kids down for nap, changing the laundry, answering the emails, working for an hour in peace and quiet, gets the baby up from nap, picks up the children from school, starts dinner, cleans up more toys, feeds the children dinner, cleans up the kitchen, gets them in the bath, reads the books, does the homework, changes the laundry and then perhaps, she gets a bath.
A mother is everything to everyone. A mother is to understand another mothers pain and another mothers victory. It’s to see the grief in a mother’s eyes when she fears her child’s health, her safety. It’s to notice the tears of joy in a mothers face when she feels pride on her daughter’s first day of kindergarten.
A mother is the one who’s filled with hope that she can change the world. That she can somehow create change in the universe by loving her children with everything she’s got. A never-ending story of hope led by a woman’s tenacity and drive to reach out and touch every child across the globe and fill their hearts with love and hope and wonder.
A mother is realizing her mother brought her here. Molded her to be this woman. Guided her and her other children to see the light, see the visions for herself and make dreams happen. It’s the inner compass that she was born with, led by her mother, to find her purpose.
You see, mother is everything. She’s forever. An ongoing work of art blessed by God to give life. She’s a creator. She’s the believer. She’s the doer. And she’ll never stop. Like me, still anxious about getting it all done before the dawn of a new day. But still snuggling those babies and remaining forever thankful.
That’s a mother. She’s me. She’s you, and aren’t you a work of art.