THE MINI ME BOUNDARIES
We have so much fun together. We’re like white on rice. Like sugar and spice. Basically twins. And best friends. But I’m also the parent. Lest not forget. And although she’s quite the mini me, we’ve got to have boundaries. And sometimes I hate that. But this is parenting. And so, boundaries.
I’ve observed a lot of my skills at parenting recently, checking in with myself, getting the lowdown. Like, not just am I doing this right, but can I do better? Because I think in today’s world, it’s easy to slip. We get lost in the every day. The multiple children. The multitasking. The job. The love. The heartbreak. The keeping up, with everyone. And to be honest, I can do better. We all can do better. And here’s why.
Boundaries are a funny thing. By definition, they are something that indicates bounds and limits. Yeah, and so they can be blurry. But more importantly, they can be crucial in the development of the child and how she or he will become a good human being. And that’s pretty important. So instead of worrying about how hurt my little mini me might be when I begin to implement a more rigid structure on the rules front and the besties front, I must, because if i don’t, it could be highly detrimental. So here’s how i’m breaking it down, without breaking down myself. Cause let’s face it, this shit’s hard.
Defining boundaries with the littles isn’t easy, but somebody’s gotta do it. So my new mantra is honesty. State my purpose, be clear and concise, and execute all manners accordingly. And don’t shift. Don’t sway even when it’s just a little bit. Commit, and hold her accountable when she doesn’t abide. Creating this kind of straight forward process will make it easy for her because those blurry lines we talked about won’t be so blurry anymore.
This is a big one. I suck at it. I’m getting better though and I must. Because she’s 6. And if she doesn’t learn to pay the consequences now, she’ll feel entitled to never paying them later and that will suck. Hard. So find the ones that are closest to her heart. State the consequence. And hold her accountable. This is the hard part. Accountability. Sometimes it’s just easier to let them out of it. Let it slide. But if I want to not experience a slow death in the teen years, I better mind my own words accordingly.
It’s fun to be besties, but they might not take you seriously. Like Mom serious. Be the boss. You are the boss. You are in charge. And being ok with this is key. Trusting yourself and the decisions you’ve made, the boundaries you’ve created, is paramount. And she may not like this newish authority. She may fight it. And that’s ok. This might not be the fun part. And that’s ok too. But God made you a parent. And that parent is boss. And she leads the way. Not the other way around. This self authority and growing knowledge will only lead to the kids finding their own growth, steady ground and maturity.
Stick to your principles and don’t beat yourself up
Nobody is perfect. And this is going to be hard. (I’m also speaking to myself as a pep talk because I’m a sucker for my girl and I’m a work in progress/Dear God, grant me grace). From time to time this whole plan will go awry. It won’t work. And someone will be outside those boundaries. And it will suck. But if you commit to sticking to your principles, ultimately you can’t beat yourself up because you stuck to what you believed in despite the outcome. This is all about choices. And these choices are the ones that will directly affect the child. And sticking to these principles will allow you to make choices and not get stuck in the daily moment to moment emotions but rather exceed in the parenting level over all. And honestly, if we can do that in parenting on any small level is success. Period.
In an ever changing world which hands out no favors, I’d like to believe that if we create an environment in which our children are challenged to grow and make better choices for themselves in the end, then we are certainly doing our job. And as we all grow and learn, we can rest gently in the knowing that this is our best, and it’s better than it was before. Note to self.