WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU WANTED A GIRL
I’m trying to remember back to the exact day. It was very surreal. Finally pregnant and finally a sibling for my little girl. A sister I prayed. I think I said it out loud over and over again so God could hear me loud and clear. “Give my girl a little sister. Please Lord.” How perfect it would be. How enormous a love would transpire amongst my household in a pink fluffy fairytale. Honestly, I thought I had it in the bag. Then the tiny little computer screen showed two babies in my belly, not one, and only a few short weeks later, the doctors would tell me that I have two identical boys arriving in 7 months. BOYS.
This topic hits me in the heart every once in a while because the dynamic of motherhood is like a kaleidoscope of rampant twists of changes, of chaos and of beautiful color. Also I was kissing my sons just an hour ago telling them in their ears they are the loves of my life.
Flashback 3 years ago, and I thought I wanted a baby girl.
Life is weird. And wonderful.
I knew that day the doctor told me. I wasn’t meant to have another girl. I was meant to mother 2 baby brothers. And my daughter was to be the big sister of two baby boys. How precious. But I couldn’t really wrap my head around it. Like, what do you do with boys? How do you navigate? Would they get along? Like, actually like each other? Share dolls or trains? I was so confused. And as I told my husband that December day and he cried his eyes out like one would do when learning he’s about to have twin dudes in a few months, he looked up at me and said, “I’m just so happy.” And then, it was like lightening, I was too.
Then they came on a hot July day and aside from the basic heart explosion that happened to me unbeknownst to me (as always in the miraculous case of childbirth) in that tiny hospital room, the wanting a girl part didn’t even dawn on me. The sister card wasn’t applicable anymore. It wasn’t even in the room. It was just me and Daddy and baby girl’s little tiny healthy baby brothers.
And if I’m honest, I didn’t really think about it again till the other day. And this is why there's more to say on this dynamic of our family. Here we are almost completely potty trained and a whole 3 years old and so much boy life has been lived. But then my bestie took my daughter on a play date and she said "we need to do this more, she needs Kb around, Nat's always with her brothers and she has no sister." We both made a sad face. And there it was again. I was reminded once again, she is sister-less. Then a few days later I noticed it again. Amongst the normal play time that the 3 of my kids share on a daily basis which exemplifies that of your typical crazy household, my daughter became suddenly bored. She didn’t want to play with her brothers. She wanted to play with a girl.
Well, the baby chapter is almost officially closed so I’m doubtful she’ll get a sister. But it made me think about what I formerly thought of, “when you want a baby girl.” And here’s what I discovered.
She won’t have a baby sister. But here’s what she WILL have.
She’ll have two baby brothers. (And a teenage big bro).
She won’t have a little girl to brush her hair and help put on ballet shoes, but she will teach two boys how to tie their shoe laces.
She won’t have dance pictures on the wall with her sister in matching sequins, but she will have her brothers in the audience cheering her on.
She won’t share a room with her sister. But she’ll have her brothers running in her room every morning looking for sissy getting ready for school.
She won’t play princess dress up with her baby brothers but she’ll create a dance party to Taylor Swift and teach them her every move.
She won’t share prom dresses in her teen years with her sister, but she’ll have two brothers that will be giving hell to any boy who tries to mess with sissy.
She won’t have a sissy for her maid of honor, but she’ll have two incredibly handsome brothers watching her walk down that aisle knowing that everything is going to be ok.
THIS, is what she’ll know. And this is the only plan God could’ve created better than me because he designed it this way. And he knew she would be the perfect fit, to be a big sister to brothers.
Somehow I just started crying while editing this and realizing that one day (God willing) she is going to marry and I’ll get to witness my sons watching big sissy..... and how one day I actually thought “I wanted a girl.”
It all works out.
P.S., how much kissing your baby boys is considered normal? Cause I'm in love. And it's obnoxious. K, bye.