HOW TO POTTY TRAIN WITHOUT XANAX
Most men are potty trained by 30 right?
This is what my best friend told me in an effort to make me laugh instead of cry while I was about to hide in my bedroom amongst the rage I felt on day 8 of potty training my twin boys.
Messages between besties. I like it.
Potty training is tricky. It’s shitty. But the good news is, we're over the hump.
And I don't like to sugar coat stuff. Too much sugar is bad for you. So here's the deal.
Potty training is hard. Potty training twins is hard-EST. Triplet moms, I can't even.
Listen, I don't take Xanax. But if I'm being real, I'm just saying, it would've been nice.
However, here’s a very precise breakdown to our potty training victory. What works and what doesn’t. And why patience is the single most important tool in potty training. Period.
Oh, and vodka.
But first, here’s an honest and up close detailed look at how it looked in our house for 2 weeks of potty training. **Warning, adult language.
day 1-naked and afraid
day 2-naked and less afraid
day 3-naked and not afraid
day 4-the shit show
day 5-shit is everywhere
day 6-i think i stepped in shit
day 7-would you like a diaper to go shit?
day 8-i need a handle of TITOS
day 9-i still smell like shit
day 10-do you like the smell of shit?
day 11-please shit in the potty
day 12- please hold your shit in your belly
day 13-f*ck it, let’s go back to diapers
day 14-we all shit in the potty!
So, no, it’s not mostly pleasant or pretty, rather messy and monotonous...like how many times can you hold your little boys hand and walk him to the potty to pee for 5 seconds? Yes it gets old. And the poop. It's, frustrating. Or as the young kids say....FAF.
But just when I thought it wouldn't work, it worked. And here’s why.
GET NAKED. (For 3 days)
Yep. Strip them down naked (ideally summer or warm weather). Keep it warm inside and get busy. Once they realize what’s happening and they have no shield, they automatically go to the potty. Most of the time. (Mine both peed off the front porch like a boss.) Yep. So go naked. Except nap and bedtime. (Note *every child is different, but after 12 days of learning “to potty” I took the pull up away at nap time. And they were ready. Extra note. *keep their drinking to a minimum before nap and make sure they pee before they get in bed. Also, we cut off drinking at 6, for a bedtime at 8. So far we are not ready to rid pull-ups at night, but hoping to pull them in a couple months or so. But not rushing nighttime. Boys are more prone to accidents at night and I'm not going to stress about the pull up. (Will update you on this later.)
PICK A WEEKEND DEDICATED TO THE POTTY EVENT.
Or a week. Or 2 weeks if you can. But the 3 day method is paramount. Don’t make other plans. Be devoted to staying in and going in and out of the bathroom 20 times a day. It’s messy, but it’s also quality time. Think a sick day, minus the sickness, plus snuggles and lots of pee. Have the husband bring home dinner. Be prepared to be dirty. And tired. And exhausted. But truthfully, if you can get a weekend (3 days) to do this, you can master the potty event.
BUY EVERY POTTY ON AMAZON.
Just kidding. Buy 2. At least 2. We had one already from my daughter. We also had bought a potty seat for the toilet. This gave us lots of options and the potty seat was the perfect fit for their size. Also stools. My boys learned to pee standing up. So they preferred to step on stool, pee away, step down and flush. (Flushing is so fun.) The other 3 potties were nearby in case one needed to pee or poop at the same time the other one did. With twins, simultaneous twin pees are inevitable. These ones were good for a baby potty as they are easy to clean. SPEND the money. Otherwise pee and poop will be all over your pretty white house. If you have a 2 story, you really need to buy all the potties, otherwise it's a total mess. Note *Encouraging both potty seat options is wise for your toddlers because when you re-enter the real world….there are no baby elmo potties in Nordstrom.
BUY THE SNACKS
Salty snacks , lots of juice or whatever they like to drink and all the M&M’s in your city. (See below for why rewards (candy) does speed up the process.) They will get thirsty and therefore they will pee. This was a good trick I had not thought of when my friend and mother of 5 mentioned it. It literally made them drink all the things and therefore have to pee all the things. Note * This was a major reason the 3 day naked method worked like a charm.
BIG BROTHER, BIG SIS DO'S/DON'TS
Big sis is the greatest helper indeed. She saves me in every way. This process would've been lonely without her. She encouraged them so well. However, by day 3 she was pretty bored too. And note, we kept this on for 2 weeks (she starts school tomorrow.) Schedule her or him a playdate. Have Daddy take her to get y'all food. Locking her down in the house with you is good for you, hard on her. And rewards also go to sissy. Group effort makes the whole potty event fun for the toddlers. Big sis or brother encouragement goes a long way.
BREATHE IN AND OUT AND FIND YOUR CENTER WITH PATIENCE
So much easier said than done. I mean, like I said, I've only ever had a half a Xanax before and it sure would've been nice to have a couple laying around. Potty training can kill your cool. I did lose my cool a few times and had to go breathe in and out and find my center. It's that intense with twins. It's two toddlers. Two cleanups. Two screaming frustrated boys. And only one mama. Go easy on yourself. Give yourself grace. Sit down on the floor of the bathroom and encourage them. "The poo-poo is coming I just know it." Sing songs. Celebrate. Give them the damn M&M'S. And when (if) they have a setback like my Bo did on day 9 and he peed all over the floor 3 times in one day after seemingly being pee-pee trained, remember to breathe. (This was the day I cried in the corner and texted my husband saying I've lost my edge as a Mom.) (Yeah, it was hard.) Because if you keep your cool and clean up their mess and wipe their tears and try again, they will eventually get it back and you will be so proud. I got mad a few times during this process and it had the opposite effect of victory. Be encouraging. Be patient. Be kind. We are day 14 and we are out of diapers (except for night time pullups). This is a victory. So no, you don't need a Xanax. Or maybe you do. Because don't think I didn't make a gimlet at the end of every day. Oh hell yes I did. You got this mamas!